Water into wine

I’m taking a break from blogging about Plato – yes, that Plato – to rise to a challenge set by a blog fan. Responding to ‘2026 and all that’, he remarked: “You almost had me feeling sorry for Hinton [CEO, South East Water]. Given what’s happened since, I bet you can’t carry on being nice to him.” A bet? How much? Game on!

In case your New Year’s resolution was to eschew the headlines in all media, I’ll summarise what’s been happening with South East Water. It’s a mess: no water supply or, at best, low pressure for what must seem like weeks in areas of Kent and Sussex (although things are getting back to normal). Pregnant ladies (because men can’t be pregnant), new-borns, the sick and the elderly, businesses, schools and healthcare services, everyone’s at the end of their tether.

One cause of the supply failures is – putting it simply – low water levels in local reservoirs that result in low pressure at the treatment centres, which conks out the pumps. Reservoir levels are low because southeast England has suffered from lower-than-average rainfall over an extended period of time, coupled with increased demand for water owing to a growing population and a multi-faceted increase in per capita demand, including more people working from home since Covid. The situation is exacerbated by leaks and bursts from freeze-thaw during the recent cold spell and storm Goretti.

Consequent criticism of Hinton & Co is same-old-same-old, most of which I’ve blogged about over the years and factually, logically and reasonably explained, mitigated or dismissed. Can I possibly do the same again? Now? After what’s happening in Kent and Sussex? I don’t know about you, but I find going over the same ground again (and again) rather tedious. I’m sure you’d like to hear a new line of thought as much as I’d like to develop one. So keep reading.

Tens-of-thousands of residents, businesses and services, through no fault of their own (bar some nuanced, philosophical, huge-picture arguments), have been without water, a fundamental necessity of everyday living. For Kent and Sussex, the lack of water is not an isolated or fleeting incident. Therefore, something isn’t working properly and SEW is struggling to cope. Leadership is inadequate because, no matter how hard Hinton and his fellow execs might have tried and what bits they might have done right, they’ve failed overall.

How dare Hinton fail, I hear you cry. He’s paid a huge package. Well yes, a £400,000 basic salary sounds rather nice thank you very much. But the basic for Severn Trent’s CEO was £830,000, while for Thames Water it was £850,000. You can’t castigate Hinton for doing the best he can that’s worth £400K p.a. when what SEW needs is a CEO who can command over £800K. This leads to the question: should he be sacked or resign so that someone more capable can do a better job? That depends. I believe he should be judged to the same standards as Two Tier Keir and his Komplete Kalamity Kabinet, successive CEOs of HS2 Ltd., the West Midlands Police and Crime Commissioner and his pension-protecting antisemitic Chief Constable, the misogynistic Chief Executive of the County Durham and Darlington NHS Foundation Trust, and Wayne Rooney.

 
Another reason why I’m being somewhat forgiving of Hinton is because he might have achieved better outcomes had others fulfilled their own leadership obligations. You can’t expect a two-pronged attack to succeed with only the one prong taking part, no matter how well that prong is sharpened. Who’s the other prong? The Government and regulators, so three prongs in total then. They should have partnered constructively with SEW to sort things out. Instead, they’ve been grandstanding, a£se-covering, knuckle-chewing and achieving absolutely nothing. In truth, they’ve made it even more difficult for SEW to make improvements – short and long-term – by distracting the company from the task at hand with pre-determined investigations, demands to appear in front of lame-duck committees, and threats of fines and sweeping organisational changes that will further reduce SEW’s ability to cope. If leadership has been lacking at SEW, then our politicians and bureaucrats have taken things to a new low and are as much a part of the problem as any failed widget buried in a rusty old water pump that was commissioned back when Bazalgette was a boy.

Talking about failed widgets, where is the COBRA Committee whose primary purpose is to bring together various government departments and agencies to manage national crises in a unified and coordinated response? While Kent and Sussex on their own fall shy of the definition of ‘national’, the consequences of not sorting out this current mess could be national if SEW fails and has to be renationalised. This could lead to other water companies following suit, which the taxpayer can’t afford, and which would undermine investor-confidence in British industry as a whole. What an opportunity for The Donald to do a deal at rock-bottom prices, eh!

What should Government and regulators be doing? Well, instead of salivating over ‘gotcha’ questions to the Hapless Hinton, they should be engaging with SEW to ascertain and provide what extra resources and know-how the company needs. I’m sure our armed forces could help with both engineering and logistics. And what about input from other water companies who don’t appear to have suffered so badly, despite being similarly if not worse hit by the weather – they must be doing something right. I wonder why they haven’t taken the initiative and volunteered to help SEW. My guess is that to do so would fall foul of some diktat by the regulators who would fine them for doing something that hadn’t been costed, stress-tested and regurgitated in the latest round of ‘negotiations’ (which are actually Mexican standoffs).

As for The Donald again, can you imagine how he would handle the situation? He’d invite Hinton over for a round of golf and sign a deal at the nineteenth hole. He’d 1) send in the Army Corps of Engineers to upgrade the pumps and fix the leaks, 2) deploy the National Guard to sort out logistics and 3) instruct ICE-inspired SWOT teams to neutralise eco-agitators (domestic terrorists he’d call them) that are detrimental to the industry, the economy, the environment and the rule of law. Job done.

Similarly job done, I’ve managed to be nice to Hinton on the grounds that those who should have extended a helping hand actually put the boot in. Perhaps of greater importance is that ‘everyone needs a friend sometimes’ (as Seth MacFarlane wrote).

Now then, back to Plato …