I feel sorry for Matt Hancock

Ha! Either I’m desperate to attract attention with an outlandish headline, or I’ve lost the plot.

I mean, how on earth can anyone feel sorry for Hancock. His dual focus during the pandemic was to a) further his career and b) cover his ass. To rub salt into our wounds, he broke his own social-distancing rules by snogging his bit in an elevator – much more compromising than nibbling a bit of cake. And, having turned his back on his wife and kids, he turned his back on his constituents to take part in I’m a Celebrity. No you’re not, Hancock. You’re a failed politician. Please get out of here.

Perhaps “feel sorry for” isn’t the right expression. How about, I share his anger and that of his colleagues and Mandarins. Errrr – have I ever been on the same side as the Mandarins before, especially Simon Case? Must be something in the water …

Let me start to explain by asking y’all a question. How would you feel if the worst of your WhatsApp messages, texts, emails or any other private exchanges, which paint you in an appalling light at your very worst, were splashed across the mainstream media for all to see, mock and judge. That’s what has happened to Hancock and his colleagues by the leaking of their WhatsApp messages. It isn’t right, despite the fact that some of what they reveal are of public interest (as opposed to being in the public interest). Those in Government and their advisers have an expectation of privacy while discussing policy behind closed doors, even if in actuality they’re running around like blue-arsed flies. Therefore, the leaking of the WhatsApp messages by some traitorous, self-serving, attention-seeking, gold-digging Reprobate is an appalling breach of personal and professional trust. She’s not just any reprobate, she’s an M&S Reprobate because she’d signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement with Hancock about only using the messages as background for his memoirs. This means that she’s in breach of a legal as well as a moral contract. I hope he sues the pants off her (I shall resist the temptation for a crude joke here).

How can Government function if they fear that every private word could be made public at any time? How can they brainstorm, tease out, let off steam, cut communication niceties for expediency if every utterance that isn’t 100% intelligent, proof-read or polite is published? It’s not as if the full picture has been released. WhatsApp messages on their own are a distortion, even if there is some truth to them; they aren’t the whole truth, or even nothing but the truth.

The Reprobate claims that she acted in the public interest. No she didn’t. She acted in her own interest. She could have given the messages in confidence to the Chair of the Covid public inquiry, who could have put them into context with other evidence and cross-examined those involved in an open and professional manner. But that wouldn’t have massaged the Reprobate's ego so much, or made her as much money perhaps?

As for the less than, er, diplomatic language and sentiments emanating from those messages, it’s really scary the apparent lack of respect, empathy, compassion and basic human understanding shown by many of those making life-or-death decisions, decisions that still haunt us. Having said that, one of my mantras is, if it sounds too dreadful to be true, it possibly is. Therefore, I cannot believe that every crass WhatsApp message was a true reflection of their feelings or character. Covid was so awful, their comments might have been an attempt at light-heartedness, at banter and bonding. Poor taste, granted, but the unfortunate and innocent butts of their jokes (e.g. returning travellers cooped up in hotel rooms) were never meant to see those messages. Their feelings were never meant to be hurt.

It’s a bit like Schrödinger's cat, which can be considered to be simultaneously alive and dead, because you can’t see or hear it (or smell it!) in its hermetically sealed box. You only know one way or the other when you open the box. Similarly, Government is in a box exchanging messages that are at once reasonable and unreasonable. We only know which it is when a reprobate irresponsibly opens the box which, as it turns out, once belonged to Pandora.

I think Hancock & Co made a series of dire decisions during the pandemic, many of them unforgiveable, but that’s not the point here. The point is that those WhatsApp messages should have remained private in order for our Government machine to indulge in relaxed, frank, no-holds-barred discussions and outbursts, even if it means being rude and insensitive – in private. Publishing these messages hasn’t made the decisions any better or worse than they’ve always been and known to be. Publishing these messages won’t prevent future dismal decisions being made. It won’t prevent insensitivity or crassness. Government will just be more careful with their communication medium! Publishing these messages hasn’t revealed anything tangible that wouldn’t have come out in the public inquiry. So what has the Reprobate achieved? Oh, yeah – personal fame and fortune.

Even so, I hear you cry; we’re talking Matt Hancock FGS. Doesn’t matter. If you wouldn’t publish private, idiotic messages from your Gran, you shouldn’t support the publishing of anyone else’s, including Hancock’s. 

I know how I’d feel if anyone revealed my private messages because, believe you me, they make Hancock look good!